I have to clarify this entry. I had to save this draft since Stephen beat me to entering on Tuesday. I did not want to bore the readers with too much info so I held off but then, Nicole wanted to try to write something and then Meagan wanted to follow the next day. I decided to post this even though today it is old news.... I hope you still enjoy reading it though. Although it describes a day earlier this week the rest of the week continued to be quite similar.
Well, today I stand once again in awe. I am amazed all the time. Let me tell you how some individuals lifted my spirits yesterday. How these people were being used by God to pleasantly surprise me when I REALLY needed it.
I did not feel much like attending Coffee Break - somewhat due to being a little "down", but mostly due to the headache/migrane I was trying to ward off. I had thought that I needed a good day of pure silence. It was going to be easy to get since all the girls had school today and Stephen was going to be at work.
At 8:38 am, the Tamming household was quiet and I had the whole day to myself. The silence did not last too long - the phone rang and it continued to ring several times throughout the day. I know that I could have turned the ringers off and let the machine answer the calls but after I missed the first phone call I picked up the following ones. The message on the machine was just the beginning of the "pick-me" day God had planned for me - again with the continuous message of "strength" in the Lord. This friend pointed out Psalm 105:4 as a verse she felt that I should hear. Although she did not know it at the time - I needed to be pulled out of the weak moment that I have been experiening these past days and redirected toward God - the source of my strength. Next, I talked with a breast cancer survivor who has been checking up on me more frequently these past few days. It is good to express to and question someone who has been there and understands maybe too well what is heavy on the heart and mind during this stage of the treatment process. Then there was the infamous facebook and emails. I was a little overwhelmed by the number of messages and prayers uttered for me. I am amazed that at the times when I have been "down" there are a number of prayer warriors lifting me up to the Lord. How awesome!!
If you feel the Spirit prompting you, don't hesitate to act. You just never know how your action, how insignificant it may seem to you, powerfully affects someone else. God may be using you as a healing balm to someone hurting, a shining light to someone who is feeling the darkness weighing them down, or a direction sign to point out Who to rely on and get strength from when that someone is weak.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
My Day
Hi everyone,
Tonight we went skating. It went very good. I learned how to skate backwards and jump on ice. And I learned how to figure skate and to do a figure eight. I saw lots of my friends. And I saw my best friend Kijana and I hope she has a great Christmas. And I saw my new friends.
I hope that you pray for my mom and I think that it is going so well with her cancer.
I hope you have a great Christmas and I hope that you have lots of presents.
love,
Meagan
Tonight we went skating. It went very good. I learned how to skate backwards and jump on ice. And I learned how to figure skate and to do a figure eight. I saw lots of my friends. And I saw my best friend Kijana and I hope she has a great Christmas. And I saw my new friends.
I hope that you pray for my mom and I think that it is going so well with her cancer.
I hope you have a great Christmas and I hope that you have lots of presents.
love,
Meagan
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The Parade
dear friends and family,
I, Nicole, wanted to try the blog out tonight. I will tell you about what we did Saturday. At the parade, we had hot chocolate and got lots of candy. The candy we gathered we put in mom's pocket. The pocket was really big so we could put the candy in. We saw lots of floats. We saw some friends on the firetruck and on floats. The best part of the parade was seeing Santa Claus or Saint Nicolas as some people call him.
I love my mom really much.
love,
Nicole
I, Nicole, wanted to try the blog out tonight. I will tell you about what we did Saturday. At the parade, we had hot chocolate and got lots of candy. The candy we gathered we put in mom's pocket. The pocket was really big so we could put the candy in. We saw lots of floats. We saw some friends on the firetruck and on floats. The best part of the parade was seeing Santa Claus or Saint Nicolas as some people call him.
I love my mom really much.
love,
Nicole
Good Afternoon
Well thought I would add a post today. It has been awhile since I have written on the blog. Cindy has been doing a great job of keeping you up-to-date on the happenings in the Tamming household.
The last week has been snowy. The snow just keep coming. Though I live in Canada I am not a big fan of snow. It is when the snow comes that I wonder "Why didn't my grandparents immigrate to Florida or Arizona......" I might not like the snow but our children are enjoying it. Last night (before and after dinner) they made a snow fort with their friends from across the street. They where having so much fun that it was difficult to get them to come inside for bed. Though they came into the house cold and wet they were still smiling. What a joy they bring to our lives.
This past Sunday my parents came to visit. It was good to spend the day with them. My mom is doing much better and for that we give thanks to God. However just a note to mom...."Don't overdo it!"
The next couple of weeks will be difficult for our family. Though chemo is complete we are now anticipating with some nervousness and anxiety Cindy's upcoming surgery. This will be another hurdle that we will have to cross in this journey that started in April. Surgery is something that we have tried not to think about much. However now that surgery is just over a week away it is hard to get it out of our minds. In the next week please pray that God will give our family the strength to overcome any anxiety and fear that we will have. Especially pray for Cindy. Though I can support her and love her I cannot begin to imagine what she is going through.
Today I would like to thank the people of "Trinity Church." This is our wonderful church family. As a church family you have been amazing. The prayers, meals, cards, flowers and words of encouragement have meant so much to us. Through you we are experiencing the love of Christ.
On a real personal note I want to thank the congregation. As the pastor of Trinity I have felt your love and support. Your willingness to support me by doing the Pastoral prayers, allowing me an extra Sunday off when Cindy has surgery, and allowing me to take time away from the office to go with Cindy to her Doctor appointments will never be forgotten. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart.....
Well until I write again
Stephen
The last week has been snowy. The snow just keep coming. Though I live in Canada I am not a big fan of snow. It is when the snow comes that I wonder "Why didn't my grandparents immigrate to Florida or Arizona......" I might not like the snow but our children are enjoying it. Last night (before and after dinner) they made a snow fort with their friends from across the street. They where having so much fun that it was difficult to get them to come inside for bed. Though they came into the house cold and wet they were still smiling. What a joy they bring to our lives.
This past Sunday my parents came to visit. It was good to spend the day with them. My mom is doing much better and for that we give thanks to God. However just a note to mom...."Don't overdo it!"
The next couple of weeks will be difficult for our family. Though chemo is complete we are now anticipating with some nervousness and anxiety Cindy's upcoming surgery. This will be another hurdle that we will have to cross in this journey that started in April. Surgery is something that we have tried not to think about much. However now that surgery is just over a week away it is hard to get it out of our minds. In the next week please pray that God will give our family the strength to overcome any anxiety and fear that we will have. Especially pray for Cindy. Though I can support her and love her I cannot begin to imagine what she is going through.
Today I would like to thank the people of "Trinity Church." This is our wonderful church family. As a church family you have been amazing. The prayers, meals, cards, flowers and words of encouragement have meant so much to us. Through you we are experiencing the love of Christ.
On a real personal note I want to thank the congregation. As the pastor of Trinity I have felt your love and support. Your willingness to support me by doing the Pastoral prayers, allowing me an extra Sunday off when Cindy has surgery, and allowing me to take time away from the office to go with Cindy to her Doctor appointments will never be forgotten. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart.....
Well until I write again
Stephen
Monday, November 17, 2008
What Have I Been Up To?
Technology is great when it works. I have not been able to log into the Internet too much over past week. Our Internet has been a little fickle. But here is what has been going on.
I have been able to attend Coffee Break for a couple of weeks now. A great opportunity to learn more about Jesus and how refreshing He can be if we only allow Him to be not just be a part of our life but fill all of it. I am thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to meet new women and hear their stories. I am amazed at how God is working in each one's life - in big and small ways.
On Thursday I did something I really don't enjoy too much but my company was one of the best. I was taken on a shopping excursion to the "big" Suncoast Mall in Goderich. We hit every store looking for an outfit for me to wear at my parents' anniversary celebration. We tried on some casual shirts and then tried on some of the trendier get ups. I was pleasantly surprised that although the bubble shirt looks interesting on the hanger, it really doesn't look too bad on. My partner in crime looked rather stunning is the green "thing". It was fun to step out of the box and just chuckle at how surprisingly flattering some of the trendy items could be. The best part of the day was just being out and spending time with a very dear friend.
Friday and Saturday were the highlights of the week. My parents will be celebrating their 40th anniversary on November 27. While we do not usually celebrate special occasions early, we planned this celebration prior to knowing when my surgery would be. The first night, the house was filled with friends. Each person there has and continues to be special to my parents in their own right. Most of them I have grown up with and I know that they have been around for my parents during the good and the hard times of most of the 40 years and will continue to be there for them. On Saturday, the house was doubly filled with my parents’ siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews and one grand-nephew. During this evening we had the opportunity to see a video which captured parts of the wedding reception which took place almost 40 years ago. It was a bit incredible to see how glamorous my parents looked back then - and that their classiness still continues. It was great to spend time with some family members who I have not seen in a long time. Boy, how we reminisced about the past and laughed about the good times that we have lived. These nights were the best!!!! The most exhilarating and the most exhausted nights at the same time.
As I looked back at the blog entry on November 7 I am delighted in God who has not left me alone through all of this journey. I am amazed at how God truly does answer prayers in the most wonderful way. Just take a peek back while remembering what you have just read and delight with me.
I have been able to attend Coffee Break for a couple of weeks now. A great opportunity to learn more about Jesus and how refreshing He can be if we only allow Him to be not just be a part of our life but fill all of it. I am thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to meet new women and hear their stories. I am amazed at how God is working in each one's life - in big and small ways.
On Thursday I did something I really don't enjoy too much but my company was one of the best. I was taken on a shopping excursion to the "big" Suncoast Mall in Goderich. We hit every store looking for an outfit for me to wear at my parents' anniversary celebration. We tried on some casual shirts and then tried on some of the trendier get ups. I was pleasantly surprised that although the bubble shirt looks interesting on the hanger, it really doesn't look too bad on. My partner in crime looked rather stunning is the green "thing". It was fun to step out of the box and just chuckle at how surprisingly flattering some of the trendy items could be. The best part of the day was just being out and spending time with a very dear friend.
Friday and Saturday were the highlights of the week. My parents will be celebrating their 40th anniversary on November 27. While we do not usually celebrate special occasions early, we planned this celebration prior to knowing when my surgery would be. The first night, the house was filled with friends. Each person there has and continues to be special to my parents in their own right. Most of them I have grown up with and I know that they have been around for my parents during the good and the hard times of most of the 40 years and will continue to be there for them. On Saturday, the house was doubly filled with my parents’ siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews and one grand-nephew. During this evening we had the opportunity to see a video which captured parts of the wedding reception which took place almost 40 years ago. It was a bit incredible to see how glamorous my parents looked back then - and that their classiness still continues. It was great to spend time with some family members who I have not seen in a long time. Boy, how we reminisced about the past and laughed about the good times that we have lived. These nights were the best!!!! The most exhilarating and the most exhausted nights at the same time.
As I looked back at the blog entry on November 7 I am delighted in God who has not left me alone through all of this journey. I am amazed at how God truly does answer prayers in the most wonderful way. Just take a peek back while remembering what you have just read and delight with me.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
It is good!
Today was wonderful. It was a great way to top off this weekend.
I was finally able to attend church after too many weeks away. It was good to be reminded, to know and to feel that "God himself is with us." It was good to worship God with His people. It was good to sing praises. It was good to listen to a sermon in the sanctuary instead of watching it. It was just good.
I am often surprised at what God has to say to me as I sit listening to the message. While I was reading the passages of the day I was drawn to read further in the chapter. Since I had the privilege of hearing the message last night, I keep one ear open but two eyes glued to the words written on the pages of the Bible. I was drawn to read Matthew 6:25-34. Given the emotional and mental experiences of Thursday's visits with the surgeons, these verses spoke volumes. By Saturday, I had come to the conclusion that I would put off thinking too much about the Dec 5 surgery for this month as best I can. But today Jesus really summed it up in the conclusion of the passage "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." (NLT)
When God speaks, and I am willing to listen, He is so good!
I was finally able to attend church after too many weeks away. It was good to be reminded, to know and to feel that "God himself is with us." It was good to worship God with His people. It was good to sing praises. It was good to listen to a sermon in the sanctuary instead of watching it. It was just good.
I am often surprised at what God has to say to me as I sit listening to the message. While I was reading the passages of the day I was drawn to read further in the chapter. Since I had the privilege of hearing the message last night, I keep one ear open but two eyes glued to the words written on the pages of the Bible. I was drawn to read Matthew 6:25-34. Given the emotional and mental experiences of Thursday's visits with the surgeons, these verses spoke volumes. By Saturday, I had come to the conclusion that I would put off thinking too much about the Dec 5 surgery for this month as best I can. But today Jesus really summed it up in the conclusion of the passage "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." (NLT)
When God speaks, and I am willing to listen, He is so good!
Friday, November 7, 2008
A date is set.
Well, yesterday was the day of this month that I was looking forward to only because a number of my questions would be answered and the date of the pending surgery would be set. The surgery is scheduled for Dec 5. Yes, for those who are of the dutch descent - it is SinterKlaas - a day of gift-giving and making good fun of one another. In a huge way now, I am glad that this is one of the dutch traditions that our family did not pass on. I am not sure I may appreciate my "new" package I will receive on this day this year.
Stephen and I met with the surgeon who will do my mastectomy. We then had a couple of hours to spend in which we do some shopping and had a bite to eat. After it was back to the University hospital to met with the plastic surgeon to talk about the options of reconstruction. I was hoping that she would say that both surgeries could be completed at once but it was, as I had suspected, not the best option. It was very difficult to sit and watch the presentation in which actual photos of the "before" and "after" reconstruction flashed to show the work. Although the finished product was wonderful, I was stuck only observing the "before" images that smacked me with the fact that that was how I was going to look on Dec 5, 2008 and following. Although I have been reminded that the reconstruction is an option that can be done at anytime I chose following the suggested wait time by my oncologists, the disfigured body I will have to live with troubled me.
Wednesday night while the girls were skating, someone told me that the chemo was harder since it was a process and the surgery was just a procedure. I am only convinced that this is true in regards to the pain. The physical pains that I have had to endure as a result of the side effects have been difficult at times, but they have subside. The physical change that will take place on Dec 5 will be permanent - a part of my body as I know it will be gone for the rest of my life on this earth. To me the emotional and mental battle of this leg of the fight has already been hard and it is only promising to be more challenging next month.
Today I had an opportunity to celebrate a birthday with Jill VanderWier. It was good to be out of the house and forget about what occurred yesterday for a little while. For most of this month I am looking forward to "pretending" that things are somewhat "normal" again since I only have the pre-admission visit and some blood work scheduled this month. May it be a month of taking it relatively easy so that I gain much strength back and much rest when I begin to feel tired from trying to enjoy life too much. May it be a joyous time in which I can celebrate the 40th wedding anniversary of my parents. May it be a month filled with visits with family and friends in which I can enjoy the goodness and delights of living. May it be that God just continues to surprise me with whatever He feels I need to make it through each moment of the month.
Stephen and I met with the surgeon who will do my mastectomy. We then had a couple of hours to spend in which we do some shopping and had a bite to eat. After it was back to the University hospital to met with the plastic surgeon to talk about the options of reconstruction. I was hoping that she would say that both surgeries could be completed at once but it was, as I had suspected, not the best option. It was very difficult to sit and watch the presentation in which actual photos of the "before" and "after" reconstruction flashed to show the work. Although the finished product was wonderful, I was stuck only observing the "before" images that smacked me with the fact that that was how I was going to look on Dec 5, 2008 and following. Although I have been reminded that the reconstruction is an option that can be done at anytime I chose following the suggested wait time by my oncologists, the disfigured body I will have to live with troubled me.
Wednesday night while the girls were skating, someone told me that the chemo was harder since it was a process and the surgery was just a procedure. I am only convinced that this is true in regards to the pain. The physical pains that I have had to endure as a result of the side effects have been difficult at times, but they have subside. The physical change that will take place on Dec 5 will be permanent - a part of my body as I know it will be gone for the rest of my life on this earth. To me the emotional and mental battle of this leg of the fight has already been hard and it is only promising to be more challenging next month.
Today I had an opportunity to celebrate a birthday with Jill VanderWier. It was good to be out of the house and forget about what occurred yesterday for a little while. For most of this month I am looking forward to "pretending" that things are somewhat "normal" again since I only have the pre-admission visit and some blood work scheduled this month. May it be a month of taking it relatively easy so that I gain much strength back and much rest when I begin to feel tired from trying to enjoy life too much. May it be a joyous time in which I can celebrate the 40th wedding anniversary of my parents. May it be a month filled with visits with family and friends in which I can enjoy the goodness and delights of living. May it be that God just continues to surprise me with whatever He feels I need to make it through each moment of the month.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
For those who have been diligent in checking the blog my apologies for not writing sooner. Thanks for checking up on me! I have not written in while because I have been in a very difficult place since the last chemo treatment.
The pain in the muscles and joints have now subsided. My fingertips are still sensitive to the touch making opening cans and ripped opening packages a little difficult. My nails, particularly in my feet, feel like they are slightly lifting off my digits. I seem to tire more quickly - its bedtime for all the Tamming girls by 8:00 including me, if sleep will come. I still have some difficult swallowing and my taste buds have not returned - broccoli and chocolate have the same flavour.
The state in which my mind lingers has not been in a good place.
I have been telling everyone that I have finished chemo and this is a time of celebration. The first of three parts (chemo, surgery, radiation) is now complete. Hurray!!! While those are the words that I utter, in my heart I am most scared about the next step. I have opened my blog account several times planning on entering some tidbit of an update, but I am stopped each time when I see the banner of the pictures at the top. It is then that I am forced to think about how that was before and wonder what the after will be......
The pictures captures what now seem like a lifetime ago or almost a whole other life for me. It was a time when I did not really understand the brevity of life, the pain and sickness that some live with constantly, and the need for the hope that I cling to tightly to live each moment. It represents the last moment that I will ever physically look the same again. The next day I lost my hair, a few weeks later my eyelashes and my eyebrows. In this next month, the surgery will render the change permanently. Although I have joked that once reconstruction is complete (and I am hoping for the flap in which the abdominal muscle is used - a "tummy tuck" bonus) that I could look better than I have or probably ever did, it is going to be a long hard process to get to the finish.
Right now the sun is rising in the horizon and it reminds me of the hope and brightness of the day. I have begun this entry in the dark of the morning and now the light is forcing its way into the world. Now I pray that His light will shine in whatever I will need to endure and that the difficult thoughts will be lifted.
The pain in the muscles and joints have now subsided. My fingertips are still sensitive to the touch making opening cans and ripped opening packages a little difficult. My nails, particularly in my feet, feel like they are slightly lifting off my digits. I seem to tire more quickly - its bedtime for all the Tamming girls by 8:00 including me, if sleep will come. I still have some difficult swallowing and my taste buds have not returned - broccoli and chocolate have the same flavour.
The state in which my mind lingers has not been in a good place.
I have been telling everyone that I have finished chemo and this is a time of celebration. The first of three parts (chemo, surgery, radiation) is now complete. Hurray!!! While those are the words that I utter, in my heart I am most scared about the next step. I have opened my blog account several times planning on entering some tidbit of an update, but I am stopped each time when I see the banner of the pictures at the top. It is then that I am forced to think about how that was before and wonder what the after will be......
The pictures captures what now seem like a lifetime ago or almost a whole other life for me. It was a time when I did not really understand the brevity of life, the pain and sickness that some live with constantly, and the need for the hope that I cling to tightly to live each moment. It represents the last moment that I will ever physically look the same again. The next day I lost my hair, a few weeks later my eyelashes and my eyebrows. In this next month, the surgery will render the change permanently. Although I have joked that once reconstruction is complete (and I am hoping for the flap in which the abdominal muscle is used - a "tummy tuck" bonus) that I could look better than I have or probably ever did, it is going to be a long hard process to get to the finish.
Right now the sun is rising in the horizon and it reminds me of the hope and brightness of the day. I have begun this entry in the dark of the morning and now the light is forcing its way into the world. Now I pray that His light will shine in whatever I will need to endure and that the difficult thoughts will be lifted.
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