A date is set.

Well, yesterday was the day of this month that I was looking forward to only because a number of my questions would be answered and the date of the pending surgery would be set. The surgery is scheduled for Dec 5. Yes, for those who are of the dutch descent - it is SinterKlaas - a day of gift-giving and making good fun of one another. In a huge way now, I am glad that this is one of the dutch traditions that our family did not pass on. I am not sure I may appreciate my "new" package I will receive on this day this year.

Stephen and I met with the surgeon who will do my mastectomy. We then had a couple of hours to spend in which we do some shopping and had a bite to eat. After it was back to the University hospital to met with the plastic surgeon to talk about the options of reconstruction. I was hoping that she would say that both surgeries could be completed at once but it was, as I had suspected, not the best option. It was very difficult to sit and watch the presentation in which actual photos of the "before" and "after" reconstruction flashed to show the work. Although the finished product was wonderful, I was stuck only observing the "before" images that smacked me with the fact that that was how I was going to look on Dec 5, 2008 and following. Although I have been reminded that the reconstruction is an option that can be done at anytime I chose following the suggested wait time by my oncologists, the disfigured body I will have to live with troubled me.

Wednesday night while the girls were skating, someone told me that the chemo was harder since it was a process and the surgery was just a procedure. I am only convinced that this is true in regards to the pain. The physical pains that I have had to endure as a result of the side effects have been difficult at times, but they have subside. The physical change that will take place on Dec 5 will be permanent - a part of my body as I know it will be gone for the rest of my life on this earth. To me the emotional and mental battle of this leg of the fight has already been hard and it is only promising to be more challenging next month.

Today I had an opportunity to celebrate a birthday with Jill VanderWier. It was good to be out of the house and forget about what occurred yesterday for a little while. For most of this month I am looking forward to "pretending" that things are somewhat "normal" again since I only have the pre-admission visit and some blood work scheduled this month. May it be a month of taking it relatively easy so that I gain much strength back and much rest when I begin to feel tired from trying to enjoy life too much. May it be a joyous time in which I can celebrate the 40th wedding anniversary of my parents. May it be a month filled with visits with family and friends in which I can enjoy the goodness and delights of living. May it be that God just continues to surprise me with whatever He feels I need to make it through each moment of the month.