Just One Handful Left

I had some trouble sleeping last night. I am not sure if it is due to the single bed I have to sleep in, the excitement of only one week left, or if my mind was swirling with thoughts about what life will be like after treatment is complete.

It is with mixed emotions that I can say that I have only 1 week left of radiation. Next Wednesday will mark the end of the planned treatments. Almost one whole year of my life has now been spent in a routine of doctor visits, treatment, and side effects. While been diagnosed with cancer is scary at times, it is now the step to returning to "normal" life that is unnerving me. It seems that this next step will come with its own adjustments I will need to make.

I have been asked several times "What do they do for followup? Do you have to be tested regularly?" This is the part that is haunting - there are no tests. While I will be regularly meeting with a doctor every three or six months, the only thing that is watched is whether I have experienced any symptoms. It is a little concerning that I will have to play the "wait and see" game once again. I have come full circle and am returning to this again. Last March I began with numerous mammograms, ultrasounds, bone scan, and blood work. Each time I needed to wait and see what the results would be. I remember how emotionally taxing that time was for Stephen and me and I pray that this time it will be less so. That I will be able to return to living with the cancer and its effects but not fearing the "what ifs."

I have come full circle in another sense as well. Here is how. If I have learned anything through this process is this theme - strength in God. Last night the verse that filled me was
"but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Even in this verse is the promise that I had held onto during this process. It resounds the theme that was written on the silver bracelet I received one month before I found the lump. God truly does know what I stand in need. I continue to stand in awe of Him. This is what was engraved:

" The Lord is my strength and my song." Exodus 15:2

The rest of the verse is .... He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him. If I have learned nothing through this whole year but this lesson I have learned much. It is He who has carried me through all the ups and downs and He will be my strength for whatever the future will hold for me. I will continue to praise Him.