Can Breathe Once Again!!

Tuesday marked the day that I once again had to visit the London Health Science Centre for my check-up. While I am not too surprised at how anxious I become for a few days leading up to the visit back to that place, I wish that it were not so. Even though I have been visiting that location for over a year, some of the same feelings and thoughts rear their ugly head with each step that I take toward that place for my scheduled appointments. This last visit was no exception!

My appointment was with my radiation doctor, Dr Vujovic. I have not see her since my last radiation treatment on Feb 25, 2009 when I walked out of the clinic with my heart hoping that I would never have to return for cancer treatments once again. I am glad to say that I have now passed my sixth month appointment without any signs of recurrence!

Dr Vujovic was patient with the numerous questions that I had. I knew the answers but in a silly way I was hoping that the responses would be different than I thought. I have been asked several times "Are you cancer-free?", "Are you cured?" or "Are you in remission?" Since my heart does a quick extra beat when I struggle with my own response when asked, I thought that I would seek the response of an expert. Here too, I was not surprised at her response although I wished that it would have been different. Dr Vujovic stated that she sort of cringes at those terms. Breast cancer is similar to other chronic diseases such as heart disease. (Take note of the adjective - chronic.) While there are a number of treatments that are administered to remove or easy the disease, there is no cure. There is no way of knowing if or when the cancer may come back. It may be one month, one year, ten years, or for some patients it may never reoccurs. So when I am asked I will be sticking with the response that I have used, much to the surprise of the questioner - for NOW I am not showing any signs of recurrence. It is at this moment that while the answers to the questions did not change, I was reminded that the One to whom I turn is just as constant. It is at this moment that I am directed to do only one thing - direct my attention to the One who has been there each step, each thought, each heart-changing moment and granted me more time without signs of recurrence. God has granted me more time to "LIVE with breast cancer." For this my heart can rest assured that I am held in His good hands.

On a different note, we had a good chuckle. Dr Vujovic asked if I did routine breast exams. I was honest with my response - "Almost every day!" I had a huge grin knowing as I admitted it out loud it sounded even more ridiculous. I have heard through the media that for most women, while they have good intentions, breast exams are not too routine. It is funny to be told that I should try to be LESS routine - monthly was sufficient.

Now I can breathe a little easier since I do not need to return til October, provided there is no recurrence. Maybe my next visit, I will be able to walk into and sit through a visit with less anxiety or some tear streaming from my eyes. But for now, I just look forward.....