Thanksgiving Day

I have been a little quiet this week because it has been a little bit of a tough one. This long post may not be what you are used to reading from me. I have finally reached the point in which I am a little bit tired of the treatments in which I am enduring and tired of thinking about the long process that I am still going to have to go through. It is a glimpse into the more difficult times from my perspective.

Once again the pain is there. Nothing new but the new meds are great for taking the edge off. At the very least I am able to sleep until the meds wear off but some rest to available.

It was wonderful to have my mom once again stay for a few days. It does not seem to matter how old one gets there is nothing like your mom administering a little TLC. My mom would not let me do anything. Even my lunch was made for me and brought to me. If I would lie down on the couch for a change of scenery, mom would tenderly cover me with a quilt. My house was cleaned, the girls were picked up from school, the numerous bags of outgrown clothing was sorted and dropped off at the boxes, a lot of little things that are too numerous to mention. In short I was treated royally. I had to admit to Dad later that week that I had grown accustomed to my "Molly Maid" and was not sure I really wanted to let her get back to her home. Thanks Mom!

I thought that I would be bouncing back to normal by the end of the week but that was not to be so this time. Thursday night I was beginning to cough and it was getting a little bit worse as the evening progressed, along with some aching in the legs. Just before I retired for the night I took my temperature - 38.1 degrees. Now for most, this is only a slight fever but for chemo patients this is a dreaded figure. It means to the hospital no questions. Well, as you might know with my indecisiveness and stubbornness, I tried everything from loosing some layers of clothing that I was wearing since I was a little chilled, opening the window to cool off the room, drinking a few cups of water just because I hadn't had anything in a while but nothing seemed to change that dreaded number. It was off to the emerge at 10:45 at night. Bill, our neighbour, was kind enough to sit while we found out what was going to happen. I was a little fearful that I would be hospitalized. Thankfully, my doctor thought that a strong dose of antibiotics and staying at home would be the best for me. Ironically, there is currently too many unpronounceable viruses floating around in the air at the hospital that my lowered immune system may not be able to take. I am hoping that my neutrophil number gets out of the concern level that I may escape from my home soon.

Yesterday I had to return to the hospital to have my blood work taken again to see if I am on the way to recovering. This visit became one of the most difficult moments I had to revisit since this battle began. I was escorted to a room in the emerge in isolation which in itself is a little daunting. However, the toughest part was the room to which I was to wait in. It was the very room in which Stephen and I were told the dreadful words "suspiciously malignant" on April 25 2008. Today I had chosen to go to the hospital alone but truly regretted being so independent. It took me a few moments to sit on the bed since all I could remember was sitting on the bed and looking at Stephen sitting in the chair and how he broke when those two words were uttered and realizing that at that moment our lives would never be the same again. A moment in time in which I wished I had been wrong. Yes let me repeat that phrase I wish I was wrong. A moment in time in which I wished Stephen was the one who could tell me "I told you so." I had to remain in this room for almost two hours. It was at first very hard but once Stephen came it was much more bearable. At least I can now revisit that location with much less dread. My numbers did not change much so the treatment is the same. Remain at home, get plenty of rest, continue with the antibiotics, enjoy Thanksgiving.

It is Thanksgiving Day today. I am looking forward to a day with the girls and Stephen. Stephen has prepared the bird for today's dinner. Yes, we have broken down and upped the ante to a turkey this year, at Meagan's request. It will be dinner with all the fixings. We have a small tradition at Thanksgiving in our home - the table is adorned with a special tablecloth. Since we are often home with just the five of us since Stephen's preaching schedule does not allow for much travel at this time, I though that we needed to make it special for the girls somehow. So a few years ago I purchased a tablecloth with the intent of writing on it what each one gathered around our table was thankful for that year. It is cool each year to read what was written in the past and add something new. It is a great way to remind ourselves that we have been blessed immensely and continue to.

Today is a good reminder for me to continue to look at the good things that are showered upon me and my family. A good reminder for me to call upon God who has been with me through this whole journey, the hard and difficult times and the good moments. A good reminder to continue to praise and thank God for all He has done. Just a good reminder..........
Cindy