New week New Anxiety!

It is a new week and once again the anxiety is stirring in my head. I feel bad for Stephen and the girls because once again they will have to endure my impatience and worry about this new experience. As much as I try to overcome it, anxiety wins every time hands down. If you know me well, you know how worked up I can get prior to a new experience. I wholeheartedly wish that I could look forward with excitement to new experiences but instead I am often filled with anxiety about the unknown. One can be pleasantly surprised by what does lay ahead and things do not always happen the way that one expects - regardless of thinking that you covered and thought about all the angles. I have experienced this several times this past year but I still have not learned the lesson.

Yes, this week I have to look forward to the next phrase of treatment - radiation. Starting Wednesday I am scheduled to begin the 25 consecutive treatments with a possible boost needed at the end. Since I have to be in London each day I have opted to stay there. The Huron County weather is too unpredictable and I don't want to miss treatments once they begin. Radiation, I have been told, can make you quite tired and adding a three hour daily drive probably would not help. So I have been booked to stay at the lodge which is connected with the cancer center. I am not sure what to expect other than my treatments are about 1/2 hour of day. I have my own thoughts about what this will be but I am hoping that this experience will bring some delightful moments. Maybe I will be surprised at how great this experience could be aside from my worries about it.

I have been told that the lodge and its staff are wonderful. My apprehension lies in the sleeping accommodations and the guests and the length of time away from home. The fact that I may have to share a room with a stranger does not completely thrill me. I feel bad for the poor individual who may desire to have a restful night but will be subject to my snoring. My second concern is about the demographic of the guests. I am a little concerned that once again I will be in a situation where there will be there very few my age going through the same experience. During my visits to the cancer center, I saw very few women under the age of 50. I think that this will be the case at the lodge. I voiced this to the radiation technologist and he confirmed that this will mostly likely be the case. While I have attended our Coffee Break, I have much enjoyed listening and relishing in the conversation with more experienced women, I am trusting that I will experience this at the lodge too. Being away from home is something that I have never done for longer than a couple of days at a time. It is difficult for me to think about what to do with all the time that I will have to myself. I have been so used to doing the things around the house that I have forgotten how to do things outside of it. I know that Stephen and the girls will do well while I am gone. May be this will be another good unexpected experience.

For the next couple of days I will have to wait patiently, hopefully with a little less anxiety, to see what this next step will bring.