Why I Have Been So Quiet

It has been over a week since I have had the desire to write on the blog. The following is just a little glimpse into the struggles that the past weeks and part of the reason for my delay in writing.

I must say that I thought I knew how hard the holidays can be for those who had experienced some traumatic times in the previous year. I thought I could empathize with those who had experienced a loss but now I realize I had no idea of the depths of those feelings during Christmastime. As individuals wish each other a "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year", it did not always feel so merry or happy. When wishes of health and strength were exchanged, I was left wonder will my health ever totally be restored. As I hung up the new calendar, I wanted to forget the stressful events of the past year and looked with much apprehension of what the next year will bring. It is amazing how just one brief year or moments during it can change one's life so dramatically.

During the first church service of this year, Stephen made this simple statement "You just never know what the next year will bring." which took my breath away and brought me to tears. (Although the tears just seem to flow a little too easily and too often.) If he had said this last year, I would not in my wildest dream have imagined these dramatic changes for me - the label "someone living with cancer", constant doctor and hospital visits, numerous tests, a totally new physically appearance, and a different perspective on all comments and daily life activities. It has been my greatest mental, emotional, spiritual and physically "roller coaster ride" ever. I am hoping that last year's ride slows down this year. Or that at least the more stressful parts subside but the wonderful exhilarating parts continue.

I met with my oncologist and radiologist this past Thursday. I am now entering into the "other side." Since the surgery is complete, the cancer has been removed. Now I am onto the preventive treatments - hormone medicines and radiation. This is a scary stage - since the doctors can never say with 100% certainty that the cancer will not return. When asked what I wish to achieve through this treatment process this was my one wish which I knew could never be said. But at the very least a girl can wish. From now on, I will need to learn to live with the mark of cancer and pray that it never returns to rear its ugly head again.

This new year is a fresh beginning to learn to live with last year's experiences. A new year to live with a new perspective - a love of the live I am given and to never take it for granted because you just don't know what the next year will bring.