Three Month Check Up!

It is hard to imagine but I am scheduled for my three month check up tomorrow. This is the three month marker from the first time in which I started the hormone therapy regiment -three months of Tamoxifen.
I have not written in a while mostly because this month is a relatively hard one for me. It is because this month marks the anniversary of the dates in which I was waiting results of mammograms, ultra sounds, and biopsies. It was tough last year and this year it is proving to be somewhat the same - except now I am continuing to learn how to live with my diagnosis.
This past weekend I could not turn on the TV without the reminder of the daffodil sales which were taking place in support of cancer research. For me it reminds me of this event from last year. I will not easily forget when Meagan bounced off the school bus proudly carrying two bright yellow flowers. She was so proud that she had brought something special home for her mom. Meagan loves the natural world and holding flowers is pure delight for this girl. As glad as she was to give me the bundle, I was inwardly shouting don't give those to me and wanted to throw them as far away as I could. She declared that she brought them home "just for me." What she was unaware of at the time was that I was waiting for the results of my mammogram. While I did not "feel right" about the lump that I had discovered I hoped that my gut instincts were so very wrong. The flowers were just a reminder of the dreaded news that I was hoping not to hear. This weekend was a reminder of one event so poignant. Now I will never look upon a daffodil without remembering that moment when she brought home the flowers "just for me" and how fitted that gesture really was.
Tomorrow Stephen and I will travel down to London to meet with my oncologist. I have not travelled back to London since I left on February 25, my last radiation treatment. I am hoping that tonight will be a restful night of sleep. Also, I am hoping that while I may worry about this visit it will not really amount to anything but a good visit - that all will be well til the next three months.